February Reflection

refection 2

I am done victimizing myself. It was only the few crutional moments in my life when I decided to stop blaming other people that I got my life together.

The goals I haven’t made yet, are my own fault.

Lately, I’ve been hitting the snooze button on my alarm five times. Staying up too late watching stuff that doesn’t even really help me. I want to be done with it. I crave that same self discipline again. The days where I did my own thing and didn’t care what other people thought about it.

I am a writer, a runner and a artist. I will not let anyone bring me down to someone less then that. I may not be the best at any of these things, —but I’m certainly not the worst.

I’ve learned I like to be productive alone. I’m currently at a job that involves a lot of multitasking and talking to people. The more I work at my current job the more I crave this time.

To reflect, to work on myself.

I’m tired of going from a slow quite day to a day where I’m suddenly going straight downhill on a roller coaster. I still crave a balance, where I work on myself, without pushing myself too hard. I want to work on this blog and still have a day job that I enjoy.

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had months where I could spend a lot of time working on myself. But I’ve also had months where I’m lucky if I get six hours of sleep.

I’m starting to realize this and use it to analyze and calculate a realistic way to be able to work on this blog while being able to take care of my basic needs. I know some years I’ll be busier so I’ll have to push myself during my down time.

Despite this, I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I still continue to write even though it’s not as consistant as I’d like to be. Soon, I will have the discipline to do this more regularly, but until then I have to get my life together and find a job that can sustain me.

It’s been hard trying to get out of the cycle where I work and have hardly anything to show for it. I’m done working to get nothing. I’ve spent most of my life only getting paid enough to live. I want to get out of this, to stop putting up with it and find something better. Everyone has something to contribute to society and it’s not fair when people work long hours, come home exhausted and have hardly anything to show for it.

It’s time to focus on quality rather that quantity. I want to find something that is more effective at helping people and is efficient enough to take less time. Sometimes it isn’t about the amount of hours someone puts in —but how well they do within those hours. It’s taken me a while to learn this, and it’s something I’m still trying to produce in my life. I used to write a lot of meaningless stuff, but now, I’m trying to put purpose into every word.

I don’t think anyone should work themselves to the point of burn out. I think we should work on being effectively productive for a few hours and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for needing a break.

Most of my life, I’ve been a go go go type person. Some days I would work on chores all day until I became exhausted. I didn’t schedule my time wisely. I would try to fit everything into one day instead of a month. I’m beginning to realize now, that taking my time might not be a bad idea. Trying to work consistently instead of constantly is probably better. And I won’t let anyone push me into thinking otherwise.

I’m done caring about what other people think. For years, I’ve held back my thoughts, thinking most of them weren’t worthy of being written. However, if what I write ends up helping others and prevents them from getting hurt, I’ll do it.

No matter who I lose in the process.

I’ve learned I can’t please everyone. Not everyone will like what I will write, but this is how I view the world and I won’t let anyone shut me down from showing it any longer. The world is unfair, life sucks sometimes, but we have to keep going. We can’t let our your anyone else stop us.

For those of you that have been with me for a while. I just want to say thank you. Your comments mean a lot to me and I look forward to whatever new posts you may decide to write.

I’m working a blog revision, but I want to try to post more about my lifestyle and have research to back it up. I’m passionate about veganism and my nonreligious beliefs. I want to share my thoughts on this blog, but it will take sometime. I thought I would have it done by now, but there’s a lot more I need to do than I thought.