Things aren’t always perfect

In some ways I never realized just how much I’ve been pulling myself backward. I can’t believe I’ve expected myself to get something right the first time, while countless others who have made something of themselves will tell me time and time again that it wasn’t easy -at all.

If you want something you have to love failure more than you want to watch a movie or just sit around and play a game all day. Anything worth while in life is going to be hard. Yes, I get that some people will have the silver spoon, but sometimes they don’t know how to use it. It is okay to compare yourself to others, sometimes that is what will drive you forward. However, you can’t focus on them forever, try to keep your eye on what you want your life to become for a long as you can.

Soon, I will have written around 200 posts for this blog, given that not all of them have a lot of words, but that has to count for something right? Trying to get my ass up and work on this blog hasn’t always been easy -but when I see people enjoying it I know how much it was worth it.

I haven’t had the best hand at art either, but with each one I make, it gets better. Sometimes you just have to keep going until you finally hit the gold. 

It is hard sometimes for me to see that some people have been on here for the same amount of time as me and have ended up doing much much better than I did. I have to remind myself that throughout the time I’ve been writing, that this blog hasn’t always been my focus. I have to remind myself that this is really only just the beginning of something good. If I work hard enough, doing this will become easier.

It is hard to see if anything could become of this when you feel like other people deserve more than you do, but some people probably felt that way too when they first started writing.

For a while, it has been hard for me to figure out what I stand for. I’ve only been out of high school for a few years and I feel like I’m still discovering who I am. I wonder quite a bit about how my blog might be affected by not sticking to one niche. But I guess I’ll just have to keep working at and see where it goes.

There is still a lot about my life that I haven’t allowed others to discover about me. Some bloggers like to keep it that way, but I don’t want to hide if the things I’ve gone through can help someone. 

I can almost guarantee that no one who reads this is going to have the same exact opinion as me, but I think its time that I find something to stand for. I do like to write up book reviews, but I feel like sometimes the real writer in me is hiding behind them. Like I’m trying to block people from seeing my own creativity and opinions on things other than fictional books.

I think a lot of people want to make everything about their life on social media look like a Disney movie. Well, as of now I’m tired of forcing a smile on my face. Now, you will see my opinion based on personal experience as well as studies. I’m tried of hiding behind a curtain. 

 

Isolated

As I live in this world there are times,

When I feel your love so close to me,

It burns underneath my skin,

And vibrates within my body.

 

But then their are times,

When I feel there is a wall of ice.

Separating me from you,

With my own idea of what you should be,

Pushing you away.

 

Sometimes I wish my spirit could burst out of this body,

So I might truly see yours.

And tell you -genuinely- how much I love you.

A Writer

I used to think a writer is someone I could never become.

But I realized writing doesn’t mean

That everyone has to love it.

There have been times when I really really hated it.

I despised my work and thought about giving up.

But I haven’t.

There are times when I thought my writing would never connect with anyone.

But in some ways, it has.

I’ve learned writing isn’t always something a writer is,

Eager and drooling to get done.

It’s something they might have to push through,

And hope someday, somehow, it might connect to someone.

Writing Wednesday: Prompt 24

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There once was a girl, who lived in a nice house with a nice family and nice community. Every person in that community had to work hard every day accept Sunday. The girls wore plain dresses and sewed their own clothes. They only wore hair styles that their community approved of  -sometimes one of the girls objected, but soon she got over it.

The girl was happy to play with her friends and gossip after they finished what they needed to do for the day. The boys worked outside while the girls did chores in the house.  Her parents were nice, her minsters were nice and she and her siblings hardly ever fought.

Then one day, as she was talking to her friends, the lead minster’s shadow covered her body. Her body shrank as he told her she would soon be married, when she said who she wanted to be married to, the minster said he had a different man in mind.

It felt like her happy world soon began to crumble underneath her. She had lived her life without a single outburst. She would wear whatever hairstyle they wanted, she didn’t complain about chores when the days were long. Surely, she thought that such great obedience and loyalty would be rewarded.

But it wasn’t.

Over the next few days, she learned the man she would be married to was much older than her. She cringed at the thought and wondered where she had gone wrong. When she was alone she began to cry and the boy she liked found her and asked her why she was crying. Thin straight lips looked at her as she explained who she would be married to. Then a smile.

“Do you want to do something I don’t think anyone in this community has ever done before?”

His question was answered with a confused look, but when he looked at the fence and back at her she smiled and nodded. His arms lifted her up and over the fence with a rationalization that neither of them were able to acknowledge yet. And together they went underneath the setting sun on the lookout for what their community called, ‘outsiders.’ They had walked for so long that their feet hurt and their shoes as well as the rim of the girl’s dress was caked in dirt. Little did they know that within the next day they would find a house whose door would be opened by a kind old lady.

And together they would ask, “can you help us?”

 

Prompt: write about characters who no longer want to be controlled

 

Tuesday Questions: What does wisdom mean to you?

I’ve heard the word wisdom in the bible being used too many times, and I couldn’t help but cringe. To have good judgement, you have to have good knowledge -and knowledge comes with asking questions not by listening to a God who tell you specifically not to question him.

To have good judgement, you have to be willing to question everything around you as fairly as you possibly can.

Hence the word judge.

You can’t do that if one book is the only source of knowledge you’re willing to believe in. It takes multiple books, stories, studies,  and people to truly try and judge something fairly. That being said, in every new aspect you look at you have to be willing to leave you ideas behind you. 

 

What do you guys think?